Wednesday, October 2, 2013


Today is the last day I am 32 and I've been reflecting on the last year. Sometime, over a year ago, my mom told me she had prayed on my birthday that 31 would be an epic year for me. It was turning out to be uneventful and filled with migraines. I asked her to please refrain from praying that same prayer on my 32nd birthday. I don't know what she prayed for me in the last year, but 32 ended up being the best and worst year of my life.

In the last year:

  • My migraines have been the strongest in intensity and frequency than they've ever been. Starting in January I had a single migraine that lasted 42 days, with pain that never dipped below an 8 on my 1-10 pain scale. There are not words to sufficiently convey the intensity of the head pain I've experienced in the last year. 
  • Because of the extreme daily relentless pain I was in, I sunk into a very dark depression. I prayed consistently for several months that I would go to sleep at night and not wake up in the morning. I pleaded with Jesus to take me Home. 
  • I was involved in a migraine support group on Facebook. One night there was a post from I girl I knew from the group in which she indicated the pain was too much and she was thinking of ending her life. I threatened to call emergency services in her city on her behalf. She assured me she would never really take her own life, that she was just feeling overwhelmed. Three weeks later she did choose to end her life. I grieved for her as I would a close friend. 
  • My dad had emergency double bypass surgery that saved his life. That day, and the days immediately following, threw my family into a crazy mess of emotions and schedule changes and so many other things I have probably blocked out. 
Also in the last year:
  • My neurologist has started the process of getting me approved for a migraine treatment I've never had: Botox. She said people with the type of migraine I get almost always respond to this treatment and my first appointment should be scheduled before the end of the month. 
  • As I've written previously here, Jesus gave me complete and total healing of my depression in March. I could literally feel it being lifted from me and joy being instilled in its place. Now joy is the new normal and emotional bad days are few and far between. 
  • I had to get out of that Facebook support group. In its place, I've been able to lean on my friends, who I had previously isolated myself from. I feel like I've reentered real life. 
  • Because of my dad's surgery and subsequent hospital stay, I spent more time with my family than I have in a long time. We all learned a lesson about God's faithfulness. He continually provided each of us with what we needed, exactly when we needed it. 
Goodbye, 32. I'm not sorry to see you go. I am excited to see what 33 brings. 

(If anyone asks, I'm still 29. Let's keep this 33 business just between us, m'kay?)

Monday, June 24, 2013

God's Timing - A Story of Healing and Purpose

June is National Migraine Awareness Month, so I figured I better get something up here before the month passed by. The last few months have been epic for me, but before I get into that, I have something to say. Migraine is a neurological disease. It often has more symptoms than head pain. There are many misunderstandings about migraine, but the two that bother me the most are 1) from ER staff: that people coming in complaining of a bad migraine are actually just drug seekers, and 2) from non-medical personnel: that it's just a bad headache. It really frustrates me to hear someone say they have a migraine and to them it means that their headache has gotten so bad it has slipped into migraine territory. The ER is a whole other story. I've definitely had my share of bad experiences, but I've also had very kind nurses and doctors who have sympathized with my pain. I usually find out through the course of my time there that the ones who are sympathetic are usually migraine sufferers themselves. 

The epic part of my journey started March 28. My friend Joy Lightcap hosted a Facebook event that was a day of prayer and fasting for the healing of my migraines. This was a suggestion of a very dear friend of my family, Ken Chupp. This day culminated in a prayer service held at my church where I was annointed with oil and prayed over. It was during the prayer time that God did two very key things. First, he completely healed me from the deep and dark depression I'd been suffering in. Depression is very common for chronic pain patients. There were days I felt more comfortable there than I did in the light. But I was fully healed to the point that I knew what happened and the instant it happened. I won't say Satan hasn't tried his best to drag me back down. Not long ago I was laying in my bed in a lot of pain and my mind was wandering back to the darkness. I reached out to God and he gave me a clear vision of what he was doing that instant. He was holding me in his arms; I was stretched out horizontally and my legs were in this swampy tar stuff. He lifted me completely out, washed me off, and set me on solid ground. 

I said two things happened at that prayer service. The second was while people were praying for me to be healed, God told me he wasn't going to heal me. Not yet. There was purpose to be had in my suffering that had yet to be fulfilled. But when that purpose was fulfilled, he would heal me. 

There is so much more to tell, but this is already long. I'll try to finish the story in the next couple days.